What I wanted to say…
Dear Doctor,
I don’t think you realised my desperation when I saw you, or the fact that your fee was our last bit of money, saved initially for our daughter and the things she might need.
Seeing you was a big decision, after having a postnatal illness (Postpartum Thyroiditis) I still felt so unwell and had seen so many professionals who had ignored my words and symptoms, resulting in several misdiagnoses’ and a feeling of abandonment.
Perhaps you didn’t realise how poorly I felt, as I was determined to articulate myself clearly in order to get the most out of our thirty-minute consultation, I had notes and was organised – I had learned this was a necessity.
I spent a lot of time searching for a doctor and researching who might be the right person to help. I had chosen you, with a qualification in communication and a passion for women’s health I thought you would be different. I was tired of solving problems alone, I needed someone on my side.
I had become so physically unwell, I was unable to work, my relationships were strained, and I was slipping into depression, anxious about my inability to pay the bills, to function as a mother and to connect with the person I was. Life felt like it was slipping through my fingers. I thought I had been clear about this, about why I needed some medical support, about why I had paid your fee.
I explained all my symptoms, to paint a clear picture, to help you understand what was going on. I found it difficult telling you that I had vaginal dryness and no sex drive, my intimacies laid bare to a stranger once again.
You instructed me as my NHS doctor had already instructed me – to carry on taking iron supplements and then, and this is what upset me, that I could buy KY Jelly and other lubricants from boots, ‘to help with more comfortable intercourse.’
I found it a rather big price to pay to be told where to buy lube, something I had known since I was a teenager. As I have reflected on the consultation, I have found it gradually harder to understand why you thought I was in the mood for sex, given the symptoms I had described.
I hadn’t assumed you would have the answer – no one had yet, but I did assume that you would take me seriously and that you would say if you weren’t sure. What I expected the most is that you would actively listen, treat me as an equal and trust that I was the expert on ‘me.’
I left the room as I had entered, alone and £100 down. You did tell me to ‘save your money next time’ advice which I will definitely take.
Life Loves and Learning 